PRO-crastinator

I almost forgot blogging's role in the whole scheme of the procrastinating process. I think it's a much better distractor than the naps that i've gotten accustomed to taking since starting my college career. This way, i'm at least somewhat stimulating my intellectual drive, even if it's just through incessant babble. But i must admit, those naps are addictive. It's a complete escape. So the choices i have tonight are caffeine and blogger, or naps i can't get up from. Tonight, the Folger's (extra sugar, extra cream) wins. A good thing too, considering my self-reflection paper for my leadership class was due last Wednesday and i haven't even started. Definite priority to get that in by tomorrow. I'm also behind in my Modern Humanities class, which is awful because i absolutely adore this subject. I've had to avoid that class like the plague since I had my critical media draft due at the beginning of the month and never got around to starting that either. I was talking to Ryan about avoiding classes were behind in earlier today, because he's in the same boat with his photography class. It's as though I can't physically face the class and look into the eyes of my professor, knowing that what they're probably thinking is "lazy-ass-loser" when they see me finally walking in after, what, 3 weeks of not coming at all? When I finally do go back, rest assured that paper will be completed in quality. Seriously, i dont know when "when" is. Right now, that's too complicated to answer. If there's one thing i hate, it's looking at all the shit i have to catch up on. I end up feeling overwhelmed and guess what, sleeping. Bleh. Not tonight though! I'm pulling through (after i get this entry done, of course)!
I. am. determined!

GOALS - shit to get done before 4 am tonight:
-leadership reflection essay
-OASIS bio

Not too hard. I should be ok. I've been though this many nights before...

Ok, so what else can i talk about to keep me from starting? Well, Rodel and i decided to stay together. I was thisclose to letting it all go. All weekend, i had prepared myself to break-up. I had re-established my "single is the way to go" M.O. and was satisfied with the mindset that we were going to be apart. Ok, maybe not satisfied, but accepting. But we talked, err, i should say he talked. I let him do the talking this time because i had already said my piece. My aggravations, frustrations, everything. I laid it out on the table a couple nights ago and thats what started this whole roller coaster. Thats the thing with him and the way i communicate to him though. For the first time in my life, i'm actually able to verbally tell him exactly what is on my mind at the exact moment i'm feeling it. I hate that feeling that when i argue, there's always something i want to say but i cant verbalize it, then i think up all those great retorts that i could have said days afterwards, when they're useless. Yet, i can always speak with raw honesty to him. Anyways, we had our "make up or break up" talk, and here I am still taken. And I'm glad, because simply, he's the one i'm comfortable and i'm happy with. We have a lot to work on though, and maybe this is the first test of true commitment. Whoa, were 6 weeks today. It may not be alot to many people but i swear in my book thats an eternity. So hopefully we'll persevere. We're both smart, busy, young, but most importantly, continuously learning. Like i said when i first wrote about him, only time will tell.

"How many a man has thrown up his hands at a time when a little more effort, a little more patience would have achieved success."
--Elbert Hubbard