mind spillage pt1

i SO needed last night. after all the stressing out i've been putting myself through, it felt so good to just lose myself in dope beats, positive energy, and good people at the Little Brother show. mix some hip hop with a crowd-participation rendition of Al Green's Let's Stay Together. WHAT?! now that's my kind of therapy.

Last night had perfect timing. With everything i have on my platter right now, i was really thisclose to just hibernating until June 14th (D-day). But the night reminded me that drowning myself in books isn't my style. I'm a woman of balance. All work and no play will make me a dull girl... and we can't have that, now can we? I just need to mellow out a bit. take one thing at a time and revel in each goal accomplished. i got this shit on lock!

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Anyways, let's talk about Mr Man. A couple entries ago i wrote of a perfect man and a perfect night and blah blah blah. If anyone heard me describe Mr. Man (as ive called him since i've met him), one can see what i'm talking about. His perfection was the type that was beautiful... on paper. I'm talking about physically: handsome face (as in "damn diane, he's super fione!"), beautiful body, luscious ass, straight/white teeth, adorable playboy smile. Mentally, forget it. Driven, goal- oriented, highly intelligent and willing to share knowledge, articulate, mature. Not to mention the superficials: impeccable style, drives the Beamer, has the house, respectful job, makes the Gs. I could go on and on.

He definitely has the resume down (hence the phrase "on paper"). But as we gradually got to know each other i never fell, FELL for him the way anyone would think they would if the ideal person walked into their life. I think it was the fact that since he has so much going for him right now I a)didn't feel that he would make sufficient time for me (even with all my fabulousness - haha) and b) i realized that he was totally enveloped in himself and his career. He was way too self-absorbed to fall for. Or maybe it was simply a lack of compatible pheromones...(but my theories on that is a whole different post). Either way, I knew a "we" could never be and it's not hard to see why.

What scares me though is i see too much of myself in him. I get really caught up in myself and what i do, and i rarely make time for significant others. Straight up, i'm really selfish when it comes to my goals and my direction. It's the ambition that i really admired in him but i know that's a lonely world. He spends 12-14 hours at work, 6-7 days a week. When you live/breathe that lifestyle you cant expect them to do much else. I wonder if i'll ever be able to fit it all into my life, if i'll ever prioritize something like a significant other into the mix. The direction my life is heading doesnt have much time for distractions. I'm just considering this because i like to think i'm capable of everything, but i'll be the first to admit that i'm really shitty at relationships. LOL and that's an understatement. I really think it's me most of the time, but hey, brothas come and go. *shrug* I'm just glad i made a friend (and a hot one at that)!

OH! i forgot to mention he has the same love for hip hop, the arts, and holistic medicine that i do. what the frikken heck?! i found myself a soul-friend. gotta love that because that kind of coincidence doesnt happen often.

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more random shit running through my brain:

+bobby valentino: that song makes me close my eyes, bite my lower lip, and just move to that sensual beat. yum!

+50 cent is a dick

+my room is best when doused in candlelight, like now.

+i love peaches.