Analyzation of Infatuation:
I finally realized what the basis was behind my infatuation for him. In my mind, i created a perfect being. This perfect being was perfect in the sense that he was made for me...someone that understood me, someone i had chemistry with, someone that gave me the love and attention that constitutes an ideal relationship. When he unexpectedly entered my life months ago, actually came in instead of being an outsider, the instant click we had and the surprising flow of our conversations led my brain to merge him and the perfect being i had created together. He became untouchable perfection.
Practically overnight, his presence became completely signficant in my life. It didnt matter what he said or what he looked like or what he did, but for 11 months i saw him not as he was, but what i had formulated in my mind for him to be. I held him on a pedastal that i never felt i could reach. In reality, I seriously think he's one of the most awesome guys i know, but it was unhealthy of me to let myself be blinded for so long by an imaginary mold of him. Thats what i was: blinded. I dont regret it though. The ecstasy i felt in just the sight of him, the hours long conversations we had well into the early morning, the warmth of his hugs... every moment of interaction was a natural high. Then our friendship was elevated to a different level. I treasure every second we spent together, but he just wasnt what my mind wanted him to be. It wasnt fair of me to expect that, either. It was too real and perfection isnt real. I dont think i handled that whole ordeal very well, and now my feelings for him are slowly escaping.
It lingers though. I can't help my heart, but sometimes he still does it for me.