there are several things that pushed me to start this tonight. First, i guess there's a lot of turmoil in my life. I like to create this facade, convincing myself and others that what i live is a perfect life. A constant smile plastered on my face, praising God, my family, my friends, my own personality and intelligence for making it perfect. I still beleive in God though, don't touch that one.
However, in reality, my life isn't perfect. Yes, i know that "nothing is perfect", but i found what i thought was perfection in all my life's quirks. both the good and bad. The bad only adding wisdom and learning experiences, while the good strengthening the whole "perfection" idea. Only now has all this turmoil made me realize that i may not be as strong as i thought i was. and that scares me. Being weak scares me. and this blogger, writing about it is therapy.
Reason number 2: a friend of mine had several weeks ago showed me an online diary of theirs. Through it, i was linked to others...all (seemingly) honest words, coming straight from the heart, without the fear of judgement from anyone. it was just absolutely..great. Many of the words i read gave me chills. I don't plan on competing with any of those, just doing this for myself. who knows if my words would give anyone else chills, or even..myself. lol i doubt it, but it's worth a shot isn't it? Even if i didn't..my words, my time, my effort. i'll look back and i'll realize all the emotion i experienced. and that is strength in itself.